reflection

the year was 2004, spring of 2004 to be precise. i was preparing to move outta the comforts of my parent's house and into an apartment downtown. yes, i had lived on my own before while attending utah state, but this was completely different. i was headed to the city to become, what my mom always refers to me as, "a true urbanite." turns out the city was the closet thing to "home" that i have ever felt outside of my home. anyway, the other day whilst out on my bike, i remembered this one song and that one album and this show that i had seen at kilby court just prior to my move... it took some time, but it finally came back to me and i rushed home to download the the gem... here it is, and i'll post the lyrics as well... i still love it, and probably a bit more because it brings back such great memories of such a promising time... and i love last part, "we've got somethin, nothin else matters now does it..."



you packed your life up into boxes
and what didn't fit
you carried
and the heavy things you left
the city loves you
it gives you oxygen
and a little space
to be filled
with all the heavy things you make

i'm not wasting loose change
‘cause i'm changing
falls without wings
i'm not waiting on tables to turn
cause i'm turning
forgive me for all things

the mirror kisses like you once did
at first it's cold
but delicate
then it reflects much more
my focus now is on the closest things
since my glasses broke
someone else should drive
or i might not leave at all

i'm not wasting loose change
‘cause i'm changing
falls without wings
i'm not waiting
on tables to turn
‘cause i'm turning
forgive me for all things

i'm not wasting loose change
‘cause i'm changing
falls without wings
i'm not waiting
on tables to turn
‘cause i'm turning
forgive me for all things
i'm not disapproving
if you got something to prove
well then prove it
falls without wings
we've got something
nothing else matters now does it
forgive me for all things

...

it is so absolutely blissful to look at the face of a handsome man and think, "omg. how did i even get so fortunate to be here, next to you, in the now?"

loooove that feeling. loving my time spent with quality people and quality conversation. not to mention the many giggles...

for dupree...

hi miss pixie. look who started blogging again!

...and travis, too!

in some sort-of a strange coincidence, i get a text from my older brother, trav, this afternoon asking if i'm reading "born to run." thinking he must've read the blog, we exchange pleasantries regarding the book, which basically means i said, "i know you love being right & you were right about reading on a tablet." anyway, to make this short story even shorter, trav had no idea that ty had made the same suggestion three hours earlier. sooo, i suppose the moral here is this: if you ask of the universe the universe will answer... even if by "ask" you really mean bitch on twitter about selling your soul for a life of pain free running...

i love you, older broddy.

thanks ty

there have been several times in my life when trivial things arise and for whatever reason this bigger little brother of mine knows the one thing to say that will spin everything back into perspective... in such a loving way his simple wisdom brings me imense comfort... for example...

once when i was crying for whatever reason, he said to me, "anj, you know why we cry? it's to get the hurt out." i have no idea if he heard this somewhere or if he came up with it on his own, but i will never forget how much better i felt...

another time i said something along the lines of patience not being a virtue of mine to which ty retorted, "yeah, but being awesome is!"

and just today, when my inability to run without pain for even five minutes had me fighting off tears from the treadmill, a simple "i think you should read born to run," snapped me back into reality and reminded me some time-off is not the end of the world...

i am so lucky to have him in my life and the truly value our relationship... anyone who knows ty knows what i'm talking about... and if you don't know him, just know this: he is one helluva dancer! a virtue of his, amongst many...

i love you, broddy.

just a couple things...

and maybe a few more.

this morning while i was on the treadmill, i realized these things:
a) if you forget the watch/receiver it will render your heart rate monitor useless which will only make you more uncomfortable than you already are with the chest strap+sports bra+built in tank bra combo.
b) incline should be at 1% to "simulate" running outside. if the incline is at 4% and you don't notice until you're 20 minutes in and honestly cannot figure-out why this run is the suck, you're an idiot.
c) lip-syncing while you run is not embarrassing, it's a smart way to gauge your heart's output when you find yourself in predicament a.
d) you should know i do c even when i do have the watch/receiver+chest strap+sports bra+built in tank bra combo. SHAMELESS.

so-long, farewell...

...don't the the door hit you in the ass on your way out...

2010 was one of the craziest, longest-yet-shortest years i can remember in... um, forever... and although i learned sooo much about myself [not an exaggeration], i am sooo happy to see it go [also not an exaggeration]... i have always looked forward to the newness and hopes of a new year... hell, sometimes i find myself simply looking forward to the hopes of a new day, but i digress... 2011 is seemingly more-so magical and the future seems wrapped in a pretty package with a fancy bow... now, more than ever, i realize that i truly am the master of my own craft - my craft of which is my life... not only am i closing a chapter on this year, but also a decade of my life... a crazy decade that was filled with tears and heartache, accomplishment and lessons learned... integral pieces of my story that make me, me... it feels kinda weird to be excited about turning 30... but going against the social norm probably doesn't surprise any of you who know me...

i am looking forward to this next chapter with such sweet anticipation... age may be irrelevant and it may be just a number, but i feel like i am finally coming into where i belong...